I was away for work last week when we got on to the subject of showers. This is something that comes up a lot when travelling, as the quality of bathroom facilities very much determines the mood of the TV shoot. One of the hotels we stayed in last year seemed to be only pretending to have running water, and so the filming days quickly descended into a group of smelly people irritably snapping at each other. At another hotel, it would take about 20 minutes to get a cupful of hot water, which meant showers took an hour and consisted of being naked and freezing and occasionally basting yourself.
On last week’s shoot, though, the director of the show claimed that cold showers were the way forward. I would agree, if the context was specifically for the extraction of information from hostages. I found myself wondering if this was another load of middle-class bullshit, like the six-month period when everyone was putting butter in their coffee.
I am very much of the school of thought that showers should be extremely hot. For some reason, I equate very hot with very clean. I like to feel as if the top layer of skin has been singed off, so that I emerge from the cubicle a brand new Romesh – after, of course, having squeegeed the walls of the shower, during which I like to role-play as a nice window cleaner. I also like the pressure to be so high that you feel as if you’re being sandblasted, smashed so hard against the back of the wall that you would be unsurprised to be hit by a goat that had been caught up in the tornado. All of this is environmentally unsound, to say the least. Even so, cold showering sounded